


TROLL'D 2.0: NOW FEATURING MORE TROLLS!

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Memo, Multi, Pesterlog, Species Swap, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2014, on the 28th of april, ao3 user thatd3adgirl (a now deadname) made a short pesterfic featuring roxy and nepeta in a species swap.</p><p>now, almost two years later, i've almost fully fleshed out that au. here's what came from that shit</p><p>{{characters and relationships to be added as time goes on}}</p>
            </blockquote>





	TROLL'D 2.0: NOW FEATURING MORE TROLLS!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [troll'd](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1538486) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> this work will probably switch POV a whole fucking lot, there are way too many characters for me to choose one. also, since they're my favorite thing to write, it'll probably be mostly pesterlogs/memos.
> 
> i'll try to keep this unshippy, but i'm a gay loser so that might not happen as i planned.

— ectoBiologist [EB] opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM DISCUSSION. —

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

— CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW opened public memo on board TEAM DISCUSSION. —

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] responded to memo.  
CTT: Greetings, Team Members.  
CTT: It May Have Come To Your Attention That We Are Currently Trapped In The Viel In A Doomed Incipisphere.  
CTT: It May Also Have Come To Your Attention That Those Of Us Who Have Been Working Towards An Escape Plan Have Made A Rather Large Discovery.  
CTT: That Is, We Have Discovered A New Species.  
CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: o wow no shit seriously???  
CTT: Your Sarcasm Is Noted, But Not Appreciated.  
CTG: /le eye roll  
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 2 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTG: yo rhox maybe you should fuckin listen to rosy here  
FTG: shes jons second in command i think that deserves some more respect  
CTG: jeez dude chill  
CTG: i was just giving her a hard time thas all  
CTG: i mean dont u think its a little condescending of you to come in talking to us like were wrigglers ros??  
CURRENT golgothasTerror [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGT: Well, it was news to me!  
CTG: @:P  
PAST timaeusTestified [PTT] 14 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTT: Rhoxxi, if you were feeling patronized you could've been a hell of a lot more polite about it. ◥▶◀◤  
PTT: That was just hella rude. ◥▶◀◤  
CTG: ugh whatever!!!  
CTG: sheesh cant none of yall take a joke  
CURRENT gutsyGumshoe [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGG: (一。一;;）< Oh, would you all just hush!  
CGG: <(｀^´)> < Rosynn was trying to say something, you know! Pete's sake, you people.  
FTG: yeah seriously you guys listen to jane and stfu  
CGG: (⊡_⊡;) < I meant you too, Davian.  
CTG: lmao  
CTT: Yes, Thank You, Jaynne.  
CTT: I'm Sure One Day I Might Be Able To Learn From Rhoxxi's Abuse And Grow To Be A Better Person Because Of It.  
CTT: Anyways, As I Was Saying, We Have Recently Come Into Contact With An Alien Species.  
CTT: The Condesce's Genocidal Propaganda Has Been Training Us For This Our Entire Lives. However, I'm Afraid We Might Be Tragically Underprepared To Conquer This Species.  
CTT: Not To Mention The Presumed Temporal Space-Time Dissonance Between Our Incipisphere And Theirs.  
CTT: However, I Believe Me And Jonnah Have Found A Suitable Alternative. Therefore, I Opened This Memo For The Sole Purpose Of Giving You Your Orders.  
CTT: You Will All Keep Your Roles Outside Of This... Side Quest, Shall We Call It.  
CTT: Your Orders Are Simply As Follows:  
CTT: Choose An Alien.  
CTT: And Then Absolutely Troll The Shit Out Of Them.  
CGT: Erm.... What's the point of this assignment then??  
CGT: I'm not really seeing what harassing these weird monkeys is going to achieve.  
CTT: I'm Just Going To Let Jonnah Answer That One.  
FUTURE ectoBiologist [FEB] 15 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FEB: ヽ(　⊡∀⊡)ﾉ < well jaeyke, i'm glad you asked!  
FEB: _へ__(‾◡⊡ )> < you see, me and rosynn have been doing some minor testing with these squishy looking creatures... and we realized something absolutely vital about their disposition!  
PTT: What'd you find? ◥▶◀◤  
FEB: ( ͡⊡ ͜ʖ ͡⊡) < well, turns out not only are these aliens super ridiculous and entertaining, but they're also extremely weak-willed!  
FEB: (;⊡。⊡) < at least most of them are... some of them are pretty weird though. so watch out for that, i guess???  
FEB: (⊡o⊡)ง < anyways, my point is that it just takes a little "persuasion" to get them to spill their metaphorical guts to you!  
FTG: sounds fun  
CTT: Oh, Believe Me, It Really Is.  
CTT: I'm Sure You Can All See How This Can Come In Handy.  
CTT: You See, What Jonnah Means By "Persuasion" Is "Goading Them Relentlessly". Of Course, You Could Try To Be Friendly And Get Info From Them That Way, But Where's The Excitement In That?  
CTG: so u want us to get deetz from them abt our situation  
CTG: by messing w them???  
CTT: Yes, Precisely.  
FEB: (⊡ ? ⊡) < is that a problem, rhoxxie?  
CTG: ehh  
CTG: idk that sounds a little mean  
CTG: like we barely know these guys rite  
CTG: mayb we should tell them we want to help  
CTT: Are You Suggesting We Give Them False Impressions Of Our Intentions With Them?  
CTG: no!!!!  
CTG: jfc what is WITH you guys today  
CTG: why do we automatically assume theyre the bad guys and that we have to cyberbully them  
CTG: liek thats so shitty @:(  
FUTURE gardenGnostic [FGG] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGG: rhoxxi is right, you guys!!!  
FGG: i dont see why we cant approach this civilly! its not like weve ever done something the condy would be proud of anyways :P :P  
FTG: i guess thats true yeah  
CTG: exactly!!!!!!!!  
CTG: jadite gets me @:')  
PTT: Yeah, I've got to say. Rhoxxi is pretty much completely right here. ◥▶◀◤  
PTT: These kids don't seem to be any older than us, and if they're as mentally weak as you say they are, I'm not really seeing why we should verbally assault them. ◥▶◀◤  
FEB: (⊡_⊡;;) < well, i guess it is kind of unneccesary...  
FEB: ((((；⊡Д⊡))) < but it's not like we want to hurt anybody! we just thought it was the easiest way to get help from them!! rosynn, help me out here.  
CTT: I'm Not Sure, Jonnah. Maybe They're Right. Perhaps It Is A Little Cruel Of Us.  
FTG: well i mean  
FTG: i guess i get where you two are coming from  
FTG: but maybe we should save the hassling for somebody we know deserves it  
CTT: I Suppose You Have A Point. Jonnah, Maybe It Is Time We Reconsider Our Plans.  
FEB: (=n=) < uuuuugh, fine. how about instead of trolling the new guys, we try to work with them?  
CTG: sounds like a fukkin plan my dudes  
CTG: is there any particular one u want us to talk 2  
CTT: The Grey-Texted One Appears To Be Their "Leader", According To Mine And Jonnah's Studies. I'd Suggest Speaking To Him At Least Once, But Other Than That, Feel Free To Speak With Whomever You Please.  
FGG: aye aye captain!! hee hee  
PTT: Well, this should be fun. ◥▶◀◤  
[CTT] banned [CTG] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [FEB] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [CGG] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [CGT] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [FGG] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [PTT] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned [FTG] from responding to memo.  
[CTT] banned herself from responding to memo.  
[CTT] closed memo.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~*~*~*~

Your name is RHOXXI LALOND.

You are a violet-blood, sea dwelling TROLL from the COASTS OF EASTERN ALTERNIA. Unlike most trolls of your stature, you don't consider yourself to be MUCH OF A LEADER. In fact, you'd much rather help your friends work together from the SHADOWS, instead of BOSSING THEM AROUND like some kind of ARROGANT ASSHOLE. You pride yourself on being UNDERSTANDING AND KIND towards your friends, of which there are plenty; unfortunately, you are also pretty CLINGY and tend to be very IRRESPONSIBLE and UNRELIABLE. Because of this, your friends can also get very EASILY ANNOYED WITH YOU, which makes you INCREDIBLY SAD and a little bit ANGRY.

You _could_ go into detail about your many INTERESTS AND SKILLS, but you are kind of SICK OF EXPOSITION RIGHT NOW. Regardless, a few weeks ago you decided to play a game with your SEVEN CLOSEST FRIENDS, including your MOIRAIL, Dirkyu, and YOUR MAIN HOES, Jadite and Jaynne. But not long after, your team realized you had not only caused a METEOR APOCALYPSE on your own planet, but also TRAPPED YOURSELF INSIDE OF A GAME SESSION DOOMED TO FAIL. After many long hours of research, the group decided to head to the LABORATORIES in THE VIEL to try and figure out what was going on. Except somehow you found yourselves TRAPPED THERE by UNSEEN FORCES. Shortly there after, you all found a FUCKTON OF COMPUTERS with a SPECIAL VERSION OF TROLLIAN installed onto their hardrives: one that allowed you to SEE INTO THE SESSION of some RANDOM ALIEN SPECIES via some VIEWPORTS.

Needless to say, your team's LEADER and his SECOND-IN-COMMAND gave the rest of your orders to TRY AND COMMUNICATE WITH THIS SPECIES to, hopefully, figure out what they know and what their importance to your session IS. Of course, being the bunch of silly teenagers you are, you decided to approach this in the LEAST PROFFESIONAL WAY POSSIBLE: by NEEDLING THEM ABOUT NONSENSE until they decided to talk to you. You, personally, have gathered information about them through watching their lives play out through the TRANS-TEMPORAL VIEWPORTS and are about to send your notes to the second-in-command, a young purple-blood named Rosynn.

But what's this, on your computer screen? It looks as though one of the aliens has initiated contact with you! How is this possible? You were fairly certain you hadn't given your trolltag out to anybody... Oh well, you may as well answer them now that you're here.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]! --

AC: :33 < oh wow!!!  
AC: :33 < i cant believe that actually worked  
AC: :33 < i guess pawllux really wasnt messing with me...  
TG: excuse me  
TG: who the fuck r you  
AC: :33 < hi!!! h33 h33  
AC: :33 < my name is nevada!  
TG: cool my name's rhoxxi  
AC: :33 < um, is it ok if i just call you roxy? :\\\  
TG: sure w/e  
TG: so nevada  
TG: how tha FUK did u get my troll tag  
AC: :33 < furrom a friend  
AC: :33 < she said i seemed like somebody you would get along with!  
AC: :33 < but when i tried to pester you, i couldnt find you!  
AC: :33 < i thought she mightve been messing with me but i got my furriend pawllux to look into it anyways  
AC: :33 < he said you were a "purrtected user" or something  
TG: yeah thatd be bcus u guys arent supposed to talk to us yet  
TG: least not w/o us trolling u first  
TG: so who the shit gave you my tag anyways  
AC: :33 < her chumhandle was gardenGnostic!!!  
TG: gdi  
TG: shoulda know shed be stupid enough to try an break teh rules  
TG: guess ill have to tell ros abt this too  
AC: :33 < oh nyooooo  
AC: :33 < that sounds like youre going to get her in trouble :((  
TG: well no duh  
AC: :33 < please dont tell on her!!!  
TG: wat  
TG: why tf not she broke the rules  
AC: :33 < beclaws i dont think she was trying to put anybody in danger!  
AC: :33 < she just wanted to do a nice thing and help you make furriends!  
AC: :33 < so purrlease dont get mad at her fur that :CC   
TG: well  
TG: i mean  
TG: i guess its not that big a deal  
TG: doesnt seem like ur particularly dangerous anyways  
AC: :33 < oh no, trust me  
AC: :33 < i could kill a man with these claws >:33c  
TG: ofc u could sweetie @:)  
TG: anyways ill let it slide this time  
TG: if only bc im kinda interested in why she thought wed be friends  
TG: do u have any idea why btw  
AC: :33 < im not quite sure either, to be clawnest!  
AC: :33 < maybe she thought we had something in common  
TG: well  
TG: judging by ur punnage im guessing u like clawbeasts  
AC: :33 < what the heck is a clawbeast  
TG: omg hold on  
TG: [this thing!!!](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/529577968956215296/g-SxnKpG.jpeg)  
AC: :33 < you mean a cat??  
TG: omg W/E  
TG: do u like them or not  
AC: :33 < pawbiously, who doesnt?  
AC: :33 < cats are pawesome and im basically in love with them  
AC: :33 < that's really all there is to say on the matter!  
TG: nice  
TG: i luv them a lot 2  
TG: my lusus is one actually!!  
TG: well a half-aquatic one at least  
AC: :33 < lusus??  
TG: omg do u seriously not know what a lusus is  
TG: u poor child  
AC: :33 < is it slang for some sort of pet or something  
TG: no u silly honkbeast  
AC: :33 < (is that a goose)  
TG: (yes)  
TG: but i mean liek  
TG: i guess for rust/yellow bloods theyre??? more like pets but  
TG: a lusus is just like. an animal that takes care of u and shit  
TG: but that you also have to respect + feed or ur ass gon get KILLT  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < i mean that sounds interesting but  
AC: :33 < where are you furrom again?  
TG: alternia born and raised  
AC: :33 < ok im pretty sure thats not a real country  
TG: well no shit troll sherlock  
TG: alternias a planet  
AC: :33 < so youre saying that youre an alien???  
TG: yep @:3  
AC: :33 < ok roxy why are you lying to me  
TG: i aint!!!  
TG: sheesh lady way 2 be r00d  
AC: :33 < but you just said youre an alien from a planet called alternia!!!  
AC: :33 < what was i SUPPOSED to think????  
TG: idk mayb that i wasnt fkn lying??  
AC: :33 < but... how is that possible?  
AC: :33 < i mean, maybe you are an alien...  
AC: :33 < but if you are, why are you talking to ME???  
AC: :33 < and HOW????  
TG: technology obvs  
TG: i am a haxxing WIZZRD  
TG: and im talking to u bcus i have 2  
AC: :33 < that doesnt make any sense  
TG: shore it does!  
TG: look nev its a big multiverse alright  
TG: and its rly stupid to assume there cant POSSIBLY b any other lifeforms out there  
TG: trust me theres a SHIT TON of aliens and junk out there  
TG: but it just so happens that we were both unlucky enough 2 be chosen by pspace to fulfill some ~cosmic destiny~ bs  
TG: and create a new universe 2 rule over as gods  
AC: :33 < you mean sburb?  
AC: :33 < wait, youve played sburb too?  
TG: correction  
TG: i am playing it  
TG: matter a fact this dumb game is why i met you!  
TG: you see we both were chosen to play this game  
TG: and now our individual sessions have brought us 2gether!  
TG: and i think  
TG: that maybe its fate that our teams met  
TG: idk if u kno this u prolly dont  
TG: but me and my frenz have been trapped in this doomed session for weeks  
TG: and thats when we found u!  
TG: maybe our sessions were always meant to be connected  
TG: maybe ur the key to our success!  
AC: :33 < hrmm  
AC: :33 < do you really think so?  
TG: yah  
AC: :33 < well.... maybe you're right  
AC: :33 < but im still not sure i believe the alien bit!  
TG: welp  
TG: guess ill just have 2 prove it  
TG: [/le selfie](http://i.imgur.com/BAnoKFR.png)  
AC: :33 < :OO  
AC: :33 < wow!! is that really you?  
TG: u bet ur candy cat ass it is  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i guess you were telling the truth huh!  
TG: lmao  
AC: :PP < pf  
AC: :33 < so does that mean gg was an alien too?  
TG: yep  
TG: we all are actually  
AC: :33 < excuse my language, but  
AC: :33 < holy fucking shit  
TG: hahaha  
TG: i guess it does sound a little far-fetched huh  
AC: :33 < yeah  
AC: :33 < still though!  
AC: :33 < sorry i didnt believe you roxy :((  
TG: eh its fine  
AC: :33 < wait!  
AC: :33 < is THAT why your name sounds so weird???  
TG: prolly yeah  
TG: i imagine alternian names dont translate real well @:/  
TG: anyways  
TG: this was was a good + educational talk & all  
TG: but i got shit 2 do  
TG: still gotta give this stupid got damn report to ros b4 she flips out @me  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, well sorry to keep you!  
AC: :33 < except im not really >:33  
TG: haha right  
TG: bye nev  
TG: its been real  
AC: :33 < bye rhoxxie!

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]! --


End file.
